Grieving What’s Not Dead


I think it’s true.

That we’re all (desperately) trying to solve the problem of our pain.

I think it’s true.

That we’re all mourning;

The loss of a life.

The loss of how you thought life would go.

Whatever it is.

I think that it would be silly to assume that someone is not managing a loss.

Yet we all do it – all of the time. Every second, we’re passing judgement on others.

In fact – I just did it five minutes ago. I was scrolling through my Instagram feed and came across a girl’s post… She wrote a caption about how happy she was to finally be over her struggle… to finally see the light at the end of the tunnel… to finally get her head above water.

My first reaction – if I’m being honest – was – what the hell do you know about pain.

A seemingly perfect girl. With nothing in the world to hurt about. She seemingly has everything. But then I realized – people more than likely think that about me;

I’m struggling to write this.

The perfect words are in my head… the kind that are like antidotes to the pain you must be feeling. The grieving kind of pain. But I can’t seem to make them form the way they are in my mind yet.

Maybe it’s because I’m still very much so trying to manage this myself?

Or maybe it’s because those that I’m grieving may read this post.

I can’t decide what’s worse (insert thinking face emoji).

So let’s talk about it… grieving the death of something or someone in your life who is still very much so alive.

I’m going to take you through my very raw grieving process as best as I can in hopes that you can begin to heal from the idea of loss. I pray that I can communicate it in the way that my heart wants.

First things first:

Realize that there (has to be) beauty in death.

For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction.

Equal and opposite. EQUAL AND OPPOSITE.

If it’s true that the birth of something new is exciting and beautiful and awesome then it is also true that the opposite is equal.

I know that sounds ridiculous. I know that’s extremely hard to wrap your head around.

But you have to believe that it’s true.

If you can’t believe it, pretend that you do – and find something beautiful about the death you are experiencing.

Loss creates space.

There is an undeniable difference between the word empty and the word open.

Yet – we’re killing ourselves over mixing up the two.

Just because there is an opening in your life does not mean that you’re empty. You’re simply available. And that is something to be excited about.

When one thing or one person becomes not apart of your life anymore, it creates a space. The capacity of said space is determined by the capacity of your mind. But that is neither here nor there. Space is space.

And when space is created in your life, the want and need to fill it becomes very evident. Like annoyingly. But don’t, fill it. At least not yet.

I can tell you this from experience. That not only do you gain when you lose, but what you gain is always greater than what you lose. We’re moving forward, not backward. We’re growing, not shrinking.

So if you’re grieving right now, I challenge you to think about your loss instead as an opportunity. And if that’s too cliche for you (because it was for me) then think of it as space. Maybe even like a space in your house that you get to design any way you want.

You needed to taste death.

I don’t care what God you worship, if any. I don’t care what vibration you’re on – what you smoke – how you worship – what gets you out of bed in the morning –

You cannot deny the fact that everything happens on purpose – for a purpose.

It’s just true.

I may not be appealing to the masses when I say this, but if you think you’re in control, then perhaps that’s where you need to start in your grieving process.

Because nothing is on accident. Nothing is wrong or right. No one knows what the hell they’re doing.

Ever wonder why the “best people” deal with the worst situations?

Or why the most lovable human beings are blessed with the most unloveable parents?

Yea – me too.

But if it’s true that what you’re searching for in life (or to get out of life) is also searching for you too… then it also has to be true that what you can’t control in life also can’t control you.

Equal & opposite.

So as much as I’d love to put “so the choice is yours” here, I simply cannot.

Because it’s not up to us. You get a free will and you do get to make a lot of decisions – but even those are influenced by the qualities about yourself that you had zero control in obtaining.

With that being said, whatever it is or whoever it is that you’re grieving right now – it’s not your fault.

I found a lot of peace in that.

Because with as little control that I realized I don’t have, I also realized that what’s been given to me is not by my fault. It’s not to punish me or to hurt me. It’s never happening to me, only for me.

I too am dealing with the death of those that are still alive.

And after/during (I can’t be sure) an extremely long and tiresome war – I find myself here: talking to you about grieving.

If that means that I won the war, then winning doesn’t feel like I thought it would. But how blessed am I to have this experience to share with you? To (hopefully) help you?

How blessed am I to have something that I love so much, that it makes saying goodbye THIS hard? I think Winnie The Pooh said that?

So while you’ve lost… whatever it is that you’ve lost… It’s gratitude that keeps you alive. Keeps you going. Gives you a reason to continue on. It has to be.

Realizing that this life is nothing but a vapor – it’s so ridiculously temporary – that things need to exit in order for everything else (anything else) to enter. Because we only have so much time to learn and to grow and to play and to taste and smell and see. And if we’re walking through life with this white-knuckle grip on what we think we have, and we’re not open to this idea of letting go, then what kind of life are we really open to leading?

I don’t know the answer to that. I’m just an observer – who has a lot to say and stumbled upon this platform to say it. 









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